The Doctor's Suicide
by songsofgallifrey
Summary: Challenge prompt set in AU Doomsday. The Doctor is dangerously unstable and inconsolable after Rose disappears into the void at Torchwood. The loss of the woman he loves saps him of his will to live, and he takes out his wrath on the humans he has come to hate. (A/N: I had a difficult time writing this, so your constructive criticism is invited and welcome.)


"_HOLD ON!_"

The Doctor shouted at the top of his lungs, hoping – _dare he say praying?_ – with every fiber of his being that Rose's strength would hold out. The very ends of her fingers clung to the lever that would shut the opening to the void, if she could right herself long enough to move it. The force of the void's power pulled her so hard that her entire body was parallel to the floor, her hair flying every which direction as she cried out in frustration and fear for her life. The Doctor knew she couldn't hold on much longer.

Before she could react, Rose's fingers slipped off of the lever and the Doctor watched in horror and screamed her name as she vanished into the inescapable darkness of the void within a split second, the gaping hole shutting behind her instantly. The vacuum force now gone, the Doctor hit the floor with a thud, his entire body aching from the effort to keep himself from being sucked in. He didn't want to believe what just happened; desperately he whirled around and around in circles, searching for any sign that Rose was still with him.

His hearts raced and he could barely breathe as the reality hit him – _Rose is gone. Forever._

The Doctor screamed until he was hoarse, destroying everything that wasn't welded to the floor taking his anger out on Torchwood's now-useless equipment. He collapsed on the floor in despair and cried, unable to ease the now constant ache in his very core. He would rather tear both his hearts from his chest than to ever, ever have any harm come to Rose, and now she was in the one place he could never rescue her from and it was his fault.

That thought, that he was to blame for Rose's unthinkable fate, sent him into a spiral of self-loathing. If he hadn't cared _so_ _damned much_ about those wretched, pathetic humans, he wouldn't have gotten into this mess. He should have just taken Rose and left when they saw the 'ghosts' – Torchwood was confident enough in their ability to control the situation, and it would have been their own fault if the Daleks and Cybermen had wiped them out. Humans were capable of so much, he knew, but they were constantly endangering themselves and this was the last time their precious Time Lord would come to their rescue.

"_No more_," the Doctor growled to himself. He gritted his teeth to keep from shouting again, and his fists, clenched at his side, shook violently as his nails dug into his palms and drew blood. He opened his hands to look at the wounds and he swallowed his disgust, watching his body repair the insignificant injury with a spark of golden light.

His feet knew the way back to his TARDIS better than his mind did, and before he knew it he stood in front of the console. It creaked at him, seeming to be able to read his state of mind. With all the strength he could muster, he slammed his fist on the panel before him, sparks flying from the controls. Shouting loud enough to drown out his thoughts, he pounded his fist on the panel again, and the panel's face came off and fell to the floor. The Doctor screamed in pain, clutching his wrist. It began to swell before his eyes, and his hand was twisted unnaturally. It was almost certainly broken. His pain, however, became irrelevant when he saw what he had done. Underneath where the panel used to be was a tangled mass of cords, and he clawed away at it with his good hand, ignoring the sparks that flew and skittered across the metal floor. The monitor on the other side of the console beeped angrily at him.

Finally his work was done – he could see an impossibly bright golden light glowing from the center of the console: the time vortex itself. His body knew what it was, and instinct told him to run far, far away. But not this time. He stuck his head into the hole he had created and invited it in, bracing himself for the rush.

It started in his eyes; a steady stream of golden light quickly filled his mind. The Doctor could see all of time and space – every atom of everything in existence, all at once. His head swam with the weight of it all, and his body tried to convulse as if it were possessed. He felt every cell in his body attempting to fight it off but his superior Time Lord physiology allowed him to control the response. Instead of rejecting the vortex, finally his body absorbed it and shrouded him in a blinding light. His rage fueled the response and the energy burst out of him in all directions, shattering everything it came in contact with. The TARDIS blasted apart and the vortex left nothing but dust in its wake. The TARDIS was now completely destroyed.

The Doctor stood in the middle of the carnage, the children's park around him completely decimated and the people in it fleeing for their lives. His vision was enhanced, and he could look at any object close enough to see the space between each atom that it was made of, humans and vehicles and animals alike, without having to move from where he stood. His skin rippled with power; he focused it into his hands and looked closer at them. Wishing to silence the screams of the pathetic humans that now stood around him, he aimed his hand at one of them – an older adult male – and by sheer force of will his hand projected a strong beam of light and obliterated its victim, leaving nothing where he once stood.

_Oh yes. That felt good._

The Doctor smiled; he knew how he could exact his revenge on this wretched, worthless species. Using the power of the vortex, he launched himself in the air, spreading dirt and grass from the remains of the TARDIS while the humans scattered. Floating several hundred meters in the air, they looked like insects. He closed his eyes and focused the energy to his hands once more, keeping just enough to allow him to remain airborne, and he aimed it upwards to the sky.

The golden energy shot forth from his hands in a web, scattering across the clouds and shooting down to the humans below like lightning bolts. Hundreds of bolts of energy rained down in a matter of seconds. It wasn't enough; the humans were too slow to avoid his wrath, but he needed more power.

The Doctor rose higher into the clouds, this time harnessing the power of the actual lightning to enhance his own power. The electricity fizzled through him, blinding his vision, but the Doctor was still able to harness the powerful surge and combine it with the power of the vortex. Higher and higher he flew, above the storm, and screaming at the top of his lungs he discharged the power build-up as violently as he could muster, spreading it as far as the eye could see and raining bolts of energy down on hundreds of thousands of humans at the same instant again and again and again. He could feel the power of it building up and returning to him as each human died. His attack spread further across the sky, and he was surprised when he felt one edge of the web-like layer of energy touch the other end. He had the entire planet surrounded and the vortex/lightning energy was obliterating them all. His voice echoed around him and fueled the attack, causing a massive earthquake. He felt each and every death, his screams becoming more and more manic as each human's life force was absorbed into his body. Soon the entire population was stone dead, and nothing remained of them but dust. He reabsorbed the web of energy into himself and quieted his screams. Still suspended in the sky, he watched as airplanes and cars lost momentum and crashed into each other.

The planet's population was gone but it didn't feel like it was enough. He wanted it _gone_, for good. Humans always seemed to find a way to come back, no matter how near they come to extinction.

Refocusing his energy into his hands again, The Doctor flew across the sky to Cardiff in a matter of seconds. He could do a lot more damage to this planet with the rift.

His enhanced senses led him straight to the rift itself, invisible to everyone else when the city had been overrun by human pests. It seemed to be omnipresent to anyone who couldn't see it, but the Doctor could see it was an obvious literal crack in the middle of the sky. The energy in his hands formed a ball of golden light with electricity crackling through it, growing exponentially every second. With a shout he released it into the rift.

Instantly the rift expanded and collapsed onto itself, and the Doctor began to plummet from the sky. His head felt like it could explode and he clutched it in pain, welcoming the release he knew was about to come. His skin crawled with regeneration energy but he repressed it. He opened his eyes and he saw the Earth's crust breaking apart from the force of his attack on the rift.

Satisfied with the irreparable damage he had caused, the Doctor closed his eyes and smiled, finally at peace, as the imploding rift swallowed him whole. At last he felt nothing.


End file.
